Where the Time Went
It’s been awhile, feels like forever. It’s absurd that it feels like I haven’t written in years, but when I actually look at he time that has passed (5 months), I feel like the contents of the past 5 months could have been spread out over years, and I would be overwhelmed. Did that make sense? That was my confusing, over communicative way to say, “A ton has happened in only 5 months, and I wasn’t in the mood to write about it.”
During April my Dad’s health started deteriorating fairly rapidly, and he very quickly went from a state of us knowing he would probably be dying in the next few years because of some health issues, to hospitalized, brain surgery, hospice, and then death. He died June 7, 2015.
So, that would be the main reason I haven’t written… I really have wanted to document my feelings, and to keep up to date on the amazing things my kids are doing. The cool places we ate in the city, the ways we are learning and living. But my Dad died. And it sucked. It felt horrible, I felt horrible… my family and all the ramifications of ones death felt horrible… and most of the time I was in Istanbul, not Southern Ca, so that was a pretty hard and jagged pill to swallow.
Thankfully, I was able to hop on a plane with Nora the day before my Dad passed, to be with my family in California for two weeks during and after the death. Two weeks didn’t seem like enough. What would have seemed like enough? I don’t know what would have actually been enough. I mean, I still want to grab Starbucks for my mom and show up at her house almost every day. Oh the ache of the pull. Life is so hard sometimes.
During all the grief and the management of all the death details that follow you for months, maybe years?… I came back home to my boys, hosted a number of summer guests, got on with life, called my mom a lot, went on a vacation to Thailand, and continued to learn Turkish while digging deeper roots here. I am planning to document it all, so let’s slowly get to it.
Until the next post, here is a copy of my Dad’s obituary, and a cute little collage I found in my parents house that I made him for Father’s Day one year.